“Thank you Tom~ For being a wonderfully handsome, talented and kind man while simultaneously being a compete and utter dork. It’s a good feeling to know there are people who can still be true to themselves.”
submitted by:puffologic10
I really am coming back guys I promise. Just waiting for NaNoWriMo to end because I am a lazy novel writer who has had her butt kicked by NaNo but will not go down without a fight!
Hello My Darlings!
I don’t do text posts very often at all, I like to keep it goofy and silly but recently a fellow Hiddlestoner shared their personal story on why Tom Hiddleston means so much to her and how he’s indirectly helped her cope with a trauma and asked me to share it anonymously. It’s very personal and brave so please, only support for a fellow Hiddlestoner. Read it, share it, comment or whatever and hopefully it touches someone out there as well. Ta, darlings!
Let’s face it Hiddlestoners, we are all just a bunch of perverts for Tom Hiddleston, and why wouldn’t we be? I mean, the man is way beyond perfect. But let me be honest here as to why I love the man known as Thomas William Hiddleston. It’s going to get serious and talk about some serious stuff that potentially will cause some awkward tension, especially if Tom sees it, so that’s why I asked @hellohiddles to post this anonymously so it could potentially help someone.
I guess I should start by being frank with you guys about the worst thing to happen to me, and probably ever happen to me. When I was twelve I was sexually abused by a family member. He used and violated me. The worse part was when he orally raped me.
I repressed (blocked-out) the events for four years until I was 16 and I had my first flashback. I was in the middle of class when it happened, and when I came back to the real world I was sweating and shaking so much my teacher asked me if I was alright. I lied and said yes, but it was the start of four years of psychological torture for me.
It was hard to say anything to anyone about what happened. How exactly do you bring up the fact that you were sexually abused four years ago? It’s not like you can press charges against the person since there was very little evidence and the statute of limitations would almost expire. I didn’t know what to do, would anyone believe me?
When I left High School I left my mom’s house as well and the night terrors started. He visited me in my dreams every night, and most of them were of him continuing to torture me. I started drinking and cutting myself cause I just felt so awful about everything. I drank so I could become numb, and I cut myself so I could feel, it was such a vicious cycle and it was awful.
I felt like I couldn’t get a hold of myself as I tried to get past what happened. One day I’d be okay with it, and the next day I’d get a flashback and I’d go down the same hole of depression I was before. It was driving my crazy.
I ended up in the psychiatric facility and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This was kind of the start of something different for me. I was glad because now I knew that I wasn’t just going crazy, and it wasn’t really my fault that I was holding unto something that I really needed to put behind me.
But even then, I couldn’t be on medicine for the flashbacks cause I really couldn’t afford them and they made me feel dead inside, so I decided that I just needed therapy. (But even then I stopped going cause I couldn’t afford that either.)
I started to realize a lot of my weird personality began to make sense. Like how I hated my mouth and obsessively brushed my teeth cause I hated the tastes in my mouth. How I loved ‘Law and Order Special Victim’s unit’ ever since I was twelve.
But I really had one question on my mind, ‘Why now? Why couldn’t these memories stay repressed and I could just be happy?” My therapist said that it was because I was getting older and my hormones were changing, and one thing that happens when people get older is their want and desire to have sexual relationships.
This made me think a lot. I grew up in a religious household that taught that sex before marriage was bad. Watching Law and Order also taught me that sex brings nothing but pain. Hell, even our overly sexualized media taught me that sex was bad cause when someone talked about sex on TV or acted out sexually the people around me would call them ‘Whores’ and ‘sluts.’
But even though everything around me was telling me that sex was bad, that didn’t stop my body from changing so all that happened was a great ball of anxiety and confusion in my brain. (It probably created the chemical imbalance in my brain that caused the bipolar disorder, but I don’t know my therapist didn’t say.)
It was around this time I was introduced to the amazing Tom Hiddleston. I knew him as Loki from the Avengers, but never really paid that much attention to him because of my insane love for Robert Downey Jr. and superheroes already.
I read his tweets, and watched videos that people have sent me online, and I just fell in love with the man. He spoke in a way that I’ve haven’t heard in this day and age. Well I really don’t have to explain to Hiddlestoners how amazing Tom is cause you guys already know!
This is where it gets awkward. One night I woke up from my first night terror in a few months and as I was laying in a pool full of sweat, I thought of Tom. I thought of him wrapping his arms around me and whispering into my ears until I calmed down.
It worked. So I tried it again, and it worked again. Then one night instead of having a night terror, I had a nice dream about Tom and I well, we had sex.
When I feel anxiety or pressure I think of Tom. I think of him wrapping his arms around me and telling me everything is going to be fine. And whenever I have those thoughts about what happened to me as a kid, I think of the dream I had between Tom and I.
If I was still going to therapy, my therapist would probably tell me that I wasn’t in love with Tom, I was in love with the idea of him. The idea of a protector and someone who would love me no matter what.
I’m doing better now, and while sometimes those flashbacks come back, I feel less and less anxiety towards them. I probably shouldn’t use a celebrity that I will probably never meet to fix all my anxieties and sexual frustrations, but I’m nowhere near ready to have my own actual physical relationship with a guy I actually know.
I’ve had a few boyfriends, and they were all really nice, but all dumped me when I went what I would like to call ‘Psycho bitch crazy.’ Sometimes I would simply refuse to trust them. I hated it when we were alone together and whenever I told them why they would get offended.
But with Tom, I feel bad for even thinking about him at all in a sexual way. He’s so much more than an incredibly attractive face. He’s smart, kind and caring. It seems to me at least, to be completely disrespectful to think of him in a purely sexual way. (I feel bad thinking about anyone in a purely sexual way though.)
But I think if Tom were to hear about it, and I would be able to explain my reasons why, he’d understand. He would show compassion towards the situation and he would really take me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be okay in the end. That is why I love him.
One day I’ll be ready to have my own relationship, and seeing how Tom acts and lives his life, I have faith that there are guys out there like him. Guys who will love me no matter how my past has affected me. Till then, I’ll be in HiddlesLand with the rest of you guys.
Hi Hi! Welcome back XD
Ugh that is one I have yet to see! I need to spend a day catching up. I have a vacation coming up and that is exactly what I will do for a day or two xD I’ve heard he was incredible in it though xD And yeahhh from what I heard… He’s absolutely better in reality. XD. Oh no worries!! You are always always welcome to come and vent your Hiddles feels here <33
I’ve been keeping all of it anonymous. Every submission, every submission submitted through the ask, everything. I was just wondering if you guys wanted me to make that optional, and add a “Submitted by:” to the posts if the submitter chooses. What would you like me to do?
Thank you for being such an inspiration. You are truly someone I look to for when I’m not feeling the best about myself. Thank you for all the wonderful things you’ve said, encouraging people to follow your dreams. I know that you certainly helped me with that. For the longest time, all I did was sit around, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what I could be doing with my future. Now, I feel more comfortable with doing what I know I’m good at, and I’m pursuing it no matter what. I hope one day that I’ll be able to meet you and thank you in person for being the amazing human being that you are (though I might cry a little bit.)
Love, Jasmine
For being a wonderfully handsome, talented and kind man while simultaneously being a compete and utter dork. It’s a good feeling to know there are people who can still be true to themselves.
You are very lovely, and we all adore you.
However, you must learn that you can’t walk around saying pretty things to all the ladies. You call them all of ‘beautiful lovely darling’. And by doing so, you steal a piece of their soul for the rest of their lonely lives.
Lots of Love,
Fandom
Aww you’re so wonderfully sweet! I hope you have the best day! You are more than welcome back any time :D <33 I can’t wait to hear from you again. You’re so sweet and adorable :D <3
Enjoy your day!!
That post was so cute!!! Aww!! Thank you for choosing my blog to post that on!!
Long is more than welcome :DD Aww you’re wonderful! Ehehe that would be an attractive gif XD But instead, how about he blows kisses to you?
